Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
