so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
