i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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