he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
