No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
