why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
