i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
