I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
