my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
