There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Randomize
