Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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