I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
