I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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