Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
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I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
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He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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