I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
That's when you crack a 10am beer
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
