the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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