Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
