i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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