Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
