Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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