we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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