Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
