So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
