Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
