my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
