I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
