just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
