Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
