i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
