dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
