Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
