dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
