in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
