i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
