How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
