u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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