So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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