i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
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