Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.