and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
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I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
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Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
so much tequila, so little girl.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you