I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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