only if we run a train.
done.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
