shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.