Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra