Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
