there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.