Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
