Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
