My first STD was from a foam party
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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