I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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