my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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