There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
