I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
