I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
