I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
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I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
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DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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