why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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