Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
