I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
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he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
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I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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