i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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