I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
