it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
