Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize