This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
