I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
