Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
