Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
