Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
i think i just lost a toe
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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