hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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