Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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