HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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