Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
