He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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