Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
my shit smells like andre
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You pole danced in your parka.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
