Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
