We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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