ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
