oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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