evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
