just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Never joke about your clitoris.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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