I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
