so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
