We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
