so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
