your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
