omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
