i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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